The moment I saw him, I knew that I would have to kill him…
When I first saw him, I was stricken in horror. He was just plain creepy… I heard of him, of course, but I did not think that he would have the audacity to come to MY home. No…not my home!!! Yet…there he was ~ standing proudly ~ as if he had a right to be here.
I am a peace loving person, but even so, I reached for my weapon. Before I could take aim, he ran into my kitchen. I stalked him throughout the house – every time I took aim, he eluded me. Frustration did not improve my aim. I took many shots at him ~ always missing. Finally, after what seemed like hours, I could not find him anywhere in my home. I was confident that I had driven him back out into the night. Surely he was smart enough to stay away from me?
By bedtime, I was basking in a comfortable place of false security. He was no longer on my mind; therefore, I drifted into a pleasant sleep.
It seemed I was no sooner asleep than I heard the click of footsteps on my ceramic tiled floor. I froze – my weapon out of my reach. Drat… in my ocean of false security, I had left my weapon on my kitchen counter. My brain scrambled for a solution to destroy him without my weapon. My bedroom was dimly lit by the streetlight outside my window. It was just enough light for me to find a weapon ~ so intent I was on killing him. My eyes darted around the room ~ searching ~ darting ~ searching… Then I spotted my cigarette lighter on the nightstand…..YES!!! I had a plan…
He slipped into my bathroom. Given the opportunity, I was out of the bed in a flash, grabbing a can of hair spray off my dresser, I stalked him once again. This time I knew I would kill him. He thought I was sleeping… Chuckling to myself, I knew I had the advantage. I would kill him ~ then I would put him in a garbage can ~ like the sorry piece of poop that he is ~ and dispose of him once and for all. After all, he has no business in my home. It is my right to kill him….
I slipped up to the bathroom door and peered around the doorjamb… There he was by the sink. He didn’t even see me coming… Heh… Who had the false security now?
Before he could turn around, I flicked my lighter, pointed the hair spray at him and pushed with all my might… HA!!! GOT HIM!!!! It was almost too easy…
I danced around him as he writhed in pain. I watched him carefully, just in case I should also have to bash him… I wanted to avoid that, if I could, because I just couldn’t deal with a mess like that… Weak stomach, you know? Just to avoid the bashing, I decided to hit him again with the flaming hair spray. With that, he ran out of the bathroom, through the bedroom, through the kitchen and I saw him wriggle his way through the sliding glass doors to the patio.
Relentless by now, I pursued him, continually blasting him as his strength waned. I did not care. I wanted him DEAD!!!
When he finally lost consciousness, I stuffed him in a garbage can and put him out for trash pickup in the morning. Woo hoo!!! Victory dance!!!!
I was mid-step in my dance when I spotted his friend slip out of the shadows and run through the door that I had carelessly left open…
Dang!!!! I grabbed my weapon off the kitchen counter as I stalked him… HE HAS TO DIE!!!
I always say....The only good bug is a dead bug!
Written by Darlene Cirinna
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