I AM SO ASHAMED…
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to look around you and see that there are people with bigger problems than you have.
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to look around you and see that there are people with bigger problems than you have.
The trouble is that usually we are not looking past our own trials in life. The Lord caused me to look beyond my petty trials to see some real trials that other people face daily…
I worked in an office building for many years. There is a large parking garage attached to the building and many of us used the garage for daily walks. Walking around and around a parking garage is pretty boring if walking alone, so I started using my walk time to talk with God. We had wonderful conversations… One day, I was troubled because I felt like I had wasted too much of my life outside of the church walls. I was pretty much beating myself up… heh… Sometimes, I am really good at that old self condemnation thing, but only for a little while before God reminds me that I am His and to stop abusing myself… He has a purpose for me and my job is to be obedient… But, I digress… I was talking with the Lord about all of the time I wasted being disobedient and that I wished I had always stayed in the church instead of wandering off… like I did. Following is our conversation as best I can remember because it was several years ago now.
Me: Father, I am so sorry I wasted so much time going my own way and messing things up so much.
God: I forgive you
Me: I am ashamed
God: I told you that I forgive you
Me: But, I wish I had stayed in the church from my youth like some of the other people in the church
God: (sigh) Why, my child, can you not accept forgiveness?
Me: But, Lord…my life would not be so hard if I had not gone my own way
God: How is your life hard? I have blessed you anyway...
Me: If I had been good, you may have given me a child of my own…
(Immediately, God brought to my remembrance a young couple in my church with only one child – a profoundly disabled child)
God: Do you think your life is this hard?
Me: Oh Lord, no. I am so sorry I said that. Bless that family, please?
God: Do you see how happy they are with their child?
Me: Yes, but it must be so hard for them…
God: They are strong enough to carry my cross…
Me: I am ashamed….
Consider the work of God;
For who can make straight
What He has made crooked?
In the day of prosperity be joyful,
But in the day of adversity consider:
Surely God has appointed one as well as the other,
So that man can find out nothing that will come after him.
Ecclesiastes 7:13-14
...
For who can make straight
What He has made crooked?
In the day of prosperity be joyful,
But in the day of adversity consider:
Surely God has appointed one as well as the other,
So that man can find out nothing that will come after him.
Ecclesiastes 7:13-14
...
If you have visited my profile page, you have seen this comment:
I asked God why He gave my best friend such a big cross to carry and He said "because she is strong enough". Then I said to God "I am ashamed because my cross is so small".
My best friend has a debilitating illness. Yet, in spite of the illness and physical challenges, she is cheerful, positive, uplifting and loving to all. She is my hero. I heard many times that when the going gets tough, the tough get going… I have seen this in my friend. I have begged God – repeatedly – to heal my friend. He told me that she is strong… He also lets me hope big and shows me encouraging signs that He may be healing her, and like Abraham, I hope on in hope…
Solomon shares with the reader that he has seen everything in his life:
a. A just man who dies in righteousness
b. A wicked man who lives long in his wickedness
b. A wicked man who lives long in his wickedness
We’ve all seen it… A really good person dies too young. We ask why??? A really bad person who seems to be just fine – good health, lots of money – seemingly like their life is perfect. It makes us wonder why God allows the righteous to suffer and the wicked to prosper.
Then Solomon says this:
Do not be overly righteous,
Nor be overly wise:
Why should you destroy yourself?
Do not be overly wicked,
Nor be foolish:
Why should you die before your time?
Ecclesiastes 7:16-17
“What is the use? If you are too good or too bad, you will die young.” Is he saying to be mediocre? No… Read more:
It is good that you grasp this, And also not
Remove one hand from the other? I have meditated long and hard on this one verse – about a month. This is the reason for the lag time between the last Ecclesiastes blog and this one. I think Solomon said several things at once. I think this is what the Lord wants me to understand:
a. Get understanding
b. Pray without ceasing
c. Hang on to the Lord – do not stray
d. Revere the Lord
But, mostly, I think the Lord wants me to understand that “it is what it is”. Take what our life is and do the best we can with it. My best friend loves the Lord. She chooses to be happy and trust the Lord with the rest. She spreads sunshine where ever she goes. She is so strong…
I am so ashamed…
Darlene Cirinna
July 18, 2009
No comments:
Post a Comment