Sunday, December 26, 2010

THE HEART’S DESIRE [FICTION]

It was the one thing he desired the most…  His desire wasn’t for health, wealth or love.  It was…  Well…just let me tell you the story…

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The little boy quietly played with beer coasters on the floor behind the bar.  While he played, he appeared to be deep in his world of imagination.  He seemed oblivious to the fact that his Mother was scoring a hit in the backroom of the lounge.  The little boy, Donnie, was smart and knew a little too much for such a young child.  He knew what his Mother was doing…  When she comes back, she will laugh too loud and act stupid…in his humble opinion.

As Donnie played with the coasters, he was really worrying about where he would sleep that night.  He hoped they would not have to sleep in the car again, but then again, he didn’t want to sleep at Mrs. Wright’s house again either, but it was better than the car.  Mrs. Wright said that children should be seen and not heard.  Donnie tried so hard to be a good little boy for Mrs. Wright, but he didn’t think he would be good enough.  It seems like just breathing was an infraction in Mrs. Wright’s house. 

He allowed other scenario’s to enter into his imaginary world.  He really didn’t mind sleeping in the car when his Mom was there with him, but a lot of the time he was alone in the car while his Mom was in a bar or a motel room.  It was scary for him to be alone in the car because usually there were drunk or high people walking by or bumping up against the car or, worst of all, trying to get into the car.  But…no one ever called for someone to help him and he didn’t know how to help himself. 

His Dad lived in another part of town.  His Dad was just a plain old alcoholic.  His Dad wanted to take Donnie home to live with him, but he was married to a drunk lady ~ much like Mrs. Wright.  And his step-mother made him eat oatmeal ~ even when she knew it made him throw up.  It seemed there was no real place for Donnie and nobody really cared. 

He also worried about when and who his Mother would live with again.  The nice men didn’t want her for long and the bad men didn’t want her for much longer.  Sometimes the bad men beat him.  His Mother never stopped them.  He would rather sleep in a car in the parking lot of a bar than for his Mother to move in with just one more man…

Donnie, contrary to most five year old boys, learned to play quietly and become invisible to adults.  He tried to not only NOT be heard, but NOT to be seen either.  It would be the ability to be invisible that would get him through life. 

Another thing about Donnie was that his early life prepared him to play by the rules because if not playing by the rules, bad things happened.  So…Donnie grew up and went into the military because that is what good boys did.  The military would become both mother and father to him and finish the job of raising him…so to speak.  In the military, he was invisible.  When his time came to an end, he was discharged to go home to his invisible life.  Soon, he had the first of a series of invisible jobs.  He played by all the rules and began to save for the one thing he desired.  While other young men were racing around in sporty cars, Donnie drove a modest car ~ a sensible car ~ like him.  He married once, twice, three times.  Lacking emotions in his invisible world, he could not sustain a relationship long enough to have his own home.  Another marriage and a divorce returned him to his solitary world until many years later, when he gave marriage just one more chance.  This marriage was to a lady who was tenacious as a bulldog.  She could see through the pain that made him vulnerable.  She poked and prodded into the tender areas of his memory, into the cobwebs of his mind and the hard spots in his heart.  She knew there was a good man in there, but his defenses were many.  It was a daunting task, but she knew there was someone wonderful under the layers of scars.

Again, many more years passed.  She never forsook him.  Donnie grew strong in emotions, faith and love.  The man God intended him to be emerged from the wreckage…  He now has the one thing he desired ~ his own home ~ never to sleep in a car again…  And love fills his home to overflowing because when he allowed someone into his invisible world, he broke out of his lonely, invisible prison.

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*This is pure fiction.  Any resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental.

Darlene Cirinna
©1/17/10
All rights reserved.  Do not
use without permission.

2 comments:

  1. this was beautiful dear..so sad but with a happy ending..I wish they are were

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