I NEVER SAW THE COLORS
A ringing phone
RUDE
Jerked from sleep
Harsh ringing
At 5 am
Staggering
Stumbling
To the phone
A quick glance at the clock
No good news comes at 5 AM
NO – NOT EVER
Bracing self
For 5 AM news
I grab the phone
In denial
Softly, carefully
News imparted
Shocking
Mind numbing
NO
My mind screams
Over and over
AND OVER
It cannot be
I reject it
As I softly
Replaced the receiver
In my mind
I saw the colors
Yellow, orange, red
Flaming color
By 8 AM
On the road
Headed north
A trip I did not want to take
EVER
As I drove north
I suppose there was color
Yellow, orange, red
AUTUMN
The wind blew cold
My heart was colder
As I stood
On ancient ground
I might have seen the colors
If I had looked around
But all I saw was
NOTHING
It is one year later
I was walking yesterday
Remembering
It was autumn
When Mom died
And I never saw the colors
IN HONOR AND REMEMBRANCE OF
GRACE KIRK WATROUS
1/7/28 - 11/11/08
REST IN PEACE MOM
Written by Darlene Cirinna
©November 11, 2009
All rights reserved. Do not reproduce without permission of author.
This is powerfully written!! I'm sorry you lost your mom...it is never easy...and news no one ever wants to hear.
ReplyDeleteCheers, Jenn.
Thanks, Jenn. I didn't say it in the blog, but she died in a fire. It is the most horrible thing that ever happened in our immediate family. I don't think I will ever get to the place of peace that I have reached as far as my Dad's death. It's just one of those things that keeps on hurting.
ReplyDeleteThis blog came to me in a rush a couple of years ago. I didn't even try to polish it. It was just one of those things that can't be explained...IMHO.
When I saw your topic, I knew I had to post this.
What a powerful and beautiful tribute to your mom! I loved it. I am so sorry about your mom. The day my mom died the sun was shining. It was even shining on the day of her funeral. I couldn't understand how the sun could be shining when she was gone. In hindsight, I think the sun heralded her happiness to be out of pain and in heaven. It must have been a relief for her even though her passing broke my heart. This really touched me!!
ReplyDeleteKathy
http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com/
I loved this - So precious and bittersweet. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful Darlene. So well written, I was transfixed. I'm sorry for your loss.
ReplyDelete@ Kathy: I know!!! The sun was shining bright here in Orlando when Category 5 Hurricane Andrew destroyed South Florida back in 1992. 9/11 was a beautiful sunny day. It's surreal when a grievous day is sunny and beautiful. The day my Dad died went from sunny to torrential rain in a very short time after he died. It seemed appropriate to me. I would have hated it if that day stayed as pretty as it started. As for the day of Mom's funeral...it was overcast, windy and bitter cold. That was all I remembered for the first year. The following year, it suddenly struck me that there must have been some remaining fall colors in early November, but I never saw any color. Then this composition was conceived.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you have also lost your parents.
Thank you for your precious comment.
@ La Reine & Gene Pool Diva: Thank you so much for your sweet words. My Mom died 11/11/2008. It has only been a short few months since I have finally begun to heal from the shock of what happened. Healing may have come sooner if I had not nearly lost my Husband within 2 months of Mom's death. Though it looked like I held up under such a bad time, it was all too much at once. But, mercifully, my Husband is well today and so am I. Life feels good again.
ReplyDeleteFirst, your pain is unimaginable to my mind and I am glad you are now able to function through the loss. You absolutely spoke through your heart and for so many who have experienced something so life shattering.
ReplyDeletePerfectly done, Darlene. <3
It was pretty hard, Jo. I hope I never have to experience such a thing again...ever. Even so, it made me stronger in some ways. I think that none of us really know how much we can bear until faced with a crisis. I learned that I can bear a lot. I have often joked that I have a stainless steel rod for a backbone. LOL
ReplyDeleteThis one brought tears. I'm so sorry that you had to suffer the loss of your mom--such a terribly painful thing. I've been there and I absolutely understand not seeing the colors. I was numb with grief and pain.
ReplyDeleteThis was very touching, Darlene. I'm so sorry about the loss of your mom. That is something I am dreading. I am sure when that day comes, the only color I'll see is gray.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your loss. So touching.
ReplyDeleteJoyce
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2011/09/writers-post-painted-leaf.html
@ Beth: I'm so sorry you know this kind of a loss. I didn't know. You have my heart. <3
ReplyDelete@ Linda: That dread is hard. I remember the day and what I was doing when I first thought about my parents getting old and that I would lose them someday. I love my Dad when he was 75. He died in the hospital with the best medical care. It hurt bad because I was always a "Daddy's girl", but nothing compared with living with the knowledge that my Mom was burned to death @ 80 years of age. It seems like such a cruel trick of fate for her to die that way and a horrible thing for our family to have to live with. But, then I remind myself that this kind of thing doesn't always happen to "someone else". We are not special to have been spared the pain. You know what I'm trying to say? Thank you for your comment and for visiting my blog.
@ Joyce: Thank you for caring. That means a lot to me.
Oh my goodness, Darlene! I read the post, which was terrifying and so sad and then I saw your reply to Jenn. I can't even begin to imagine what that call and it's aftermath must have been like. This post is really remarkable because it is so colorful in its way and yet so bleak. Very intense. I hope you can make the same drive one day soon for the express purpose of enjoying the colors and easing some of your pain. I'm breathless...
ReplyDeleteIt was very hard, Daphne. As for the trip...my sister and I wanted to make the trip this past August, but we both had too much going on in our lives to do it. We need to go to arrange to have a headstone. Still haven't done that yet. Maybe next fall.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you even wrote this, what a sad, sad thing. This is a powerful tribute to your mother and there are many layers of change addressed in these heartfelt words. Beautiful (and so was she).
ReplyDeleteI was very hard to go through such a thing. I would not wish such a thing on my worst enemy.
ReplyDeleteWhen I write things like this, the words seem to bleed from my psyche. I'm as clueless afterwards about where the words came from as anybody else. This only happens with my poetic offerings. Otherwise and usually, I don't care for this type of composition or poetry for that matter. Weird?
And - Yes - my Mom was a beautiful woman and remained that way right up until she was in her 70's. I should have been so lucky. When Mom was the age I am now, she didn't have one single grey hair. Me? I got my genes from my Dad...I'm a train wreck in my 60's. LOL
Thank you so much for reading and commenting.